Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Power Of The Malfoys

The power he didn't have a freaking idea of: The Power of the Malfoys

Lucius Malfoy set in a comfy leather chair at the front of his desk inside his giant mansion, pouring over the Financial Reports of Malfoy Inc. for the last financial year.

"Hmmm..One Million galleons profit after taxes. Now, we give away 60,000 galleons to the Pure Blood Rights organisation, 45000 to the Fudge for Minister campaign..".

"But father, why are you giving so much money to these pure blood activists? They can't do any good! Should not we be giving all of this gold to You Know Who instead who can actually do something good for Pure bloods?

"And risk spending the rest of my life rotting in Azkaban? Are you stupid, boy? And do you really think there is a vault at Gringotts in the name of Lord Voldemort?"

Draco shook his head blankly.

"The Pure Blood Rights organisation and many others are just legible fronts for You Know Who to recieve funds for his campaign. You Know Who is a nameless entity that exists at the fringes of the wizarding world. He is not recognised by the Ministry, he doesn't have civil rights or duties, no citizenship or social security. For all practical purposes, there is no Lord Voldemort. That's why he can do anything he wants. There is a difference you know. Anyone could kill him on the street and nobody will care. How can you kill someone who doesn't exist on paper. They can't do that with me or you, or even your Aunt Bellatrix."

"But he is so powerful! He can easily take over the whole world and then, he will reward us,"sweared Draco indignantly.

"He was powerful the last time too. In fact more powerful than he is now. What did he achieve? See, where it got him. Power means nothing. Life is all about money and continuity. If you have enough resources and you live long enough, there is no need for power. It is just a consequence of money."

"Then why do you support him?", asked Draco.

Because I have no other choice. The Malfoys have been supporting Pure blood rights activists since ages. Sometimes, a person comes along who is a bit more violent. If we pull our hands away at this moment we risk being ridiculed or even harmed by the new dark lord. So, we spend money on their campaigns and find ways to earn what we can through their influence.

"How do you earn from you know who?", asked Draco disbelievingly.

"How do you think the next target of the Death Eaters is planned? Nothing happens randomly. It just happens that a certain potion manufacturer who also happens to be our primary competitor is suddenly attacked by the dark lord to send a message to the wizarding world, this creates a sudden scarcity, and fuels prices. And the murder of the owner of Nimbus Sports by dark forces for allegedly making comments in favor of the Muggleborns, which for some unrelated reason is immidiately bought by a Singaporean company in which Malfoy Recreations holds the majority stake! Things don't just happen!"

"But what will you do if by any chance, the dark lord is defeated?" asked Draco.

"Excellent question, my boy!", exclaimed Lucius. "If the dark lord wins, we shall indeed exert immense influence over the entire wizarding world. I may even become the next Minister of Magic. If he loses, I shall make a large donation to the ministry for reconstruction, and this money will in turn come back to us in multiples through Ministry contracts to Malfoy realty."

"Many Dark lords have come and gone, and many more are yet to come. But they either die through defeat or if they do win, they die out of boredom. Heroes like Potter and Dumbledore are too unambitious and careless to rule."

"The thing is, the result of this war doesn't matter to me any more. Whoever comes in power, my aim is for us to be the richest wizarding family in the whole of Britain and by extension the entire Europe. Malfoys, at the end of the day, are the only real constants in the wizarding world..."



Friday, May 16, 2014

The Power He Didn't Have A Freaking Idea Of-Part IV

The Desolation of Lord Voldemort

“Our slippery friend has betrayed us for the last time.”

Lord Voldemort hadn't really cared about public opinion until now. Usually a simple Crucio here, an off-hand Imperio there or the odd Avada Kedavara would do the trick. Nor had he had to worry about funds required to influence Ministry officials, buy out Vampire, Werewolf or Giant clans, monetarily compensating his rapidly expanding Death Eater Army or maintaining his Dark Lord Headquarters at the Malfoy Manor what with the generosity of Lucius Mallfoy looking to gain favor when his dear master came to power.

As he sat at the edge of a long abandoned, dilapidated East European town with his measly army of five death eaters, Lord Voldemort wondered how his fortunes changed so quickly.

Things happened fast overnight after news of his "fake" meeting with the muggle Dark lord Narendra Modi broke out. At first, it was just the token opposition of the Order members and half-blood activists.

But after Malfoy's interview, things changed quickly. Within two hours, two-thirds of his death eater army had either abandoned him or died at the end of his wand as he tried to discipline them. By noon, he had been labelled a fugitive by the Ministry of Magic, a first for any Dark Lord with a bounty of a Hundred Thousand Galleons for his head!

By evening, Lucius Malfoy had formed a political party intending to fight the upcoming elections for Minister of Magic!

“There is only one way I can regain my lost honor, and that I shall do by eliminating this muggle dark lord.”

"My Lord, I shall be more than happy to kill that stupid muggle. Just give me the orders", Bellatrix, ever so eager to indulge in physical violence stood up with eagerness.

"Unlike you, the dark lord is not a fool Bellatrix. Though he recognizes the tempt of such an attack, he realizes the enormous risk involved in such an endeavor. Not only does such an action risk exposing the wizarding world to the muggles, but this muggle is flanked by fifty gunmen. Before you could apparate and draw out your wand Bellatrix, you would be dead from their bullets. Our shield charms won't work on their ammunition."

Ah, Severus. Sometimes he wondered how come this man ended up as his flunky. It must be a severe lack of ambition. Or perhaps low self esteem. Extremely low self esteem actually. The guy is a bloody genius!

"Severus, my friend, you have been with me far too long. Yes, as much as the prospect of killing this dark lord excite me, I know that it is an adventure that we must avoid for now."


"I believe my lord, that you should go off to a far away place, and bide your time in anonymity until a suitable opportunity comes to strike again. I shall forever look out for you my Lord, but I feel now is not the time to wage a war," opined Severus.

And with those fateful words of Severus Snape began the Desolation of the Dark Lord.

They hunted him everywhere. From Africa, though the Himalayas, all the way to Siberia where the Dark Lord stood today, at the edge of a cliff ready to jump to his doom...

Only that doom won't come. There will only be pain from broken limbs...excruciating pain. For he could only be killed by Harry Potter alone, and the godforsaken kid had renounced all violence. The boy now eternally surrounded by a bevy of fangirls and packs of gold had turned Gandhi on him!

And in the process, he condemned the most feared Dark Lord on the planet to a miserable life worse than the death he once feared! In contrast, even that Muggle Dark Lord, the fake meeting with whom brought about his downfall was about to be crowned the Prime Minister of India!

A smile appeared on his cold face as he jumped. A loud shriek emanated through the isolated valley after a few seconds...

THE END

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

This is no rocket science!

I don't understand the Congress party's deep rooted aversion to Rocket Science...




I mean, a progressive party that ponders over poverty issues through the prism of extra-terrestrial escape velocities, should be embracing rocket science...

Even as the young congress worker glorifies Rocket science as some sort of an unattainable virtue, whose complexity continues to elude her;

She did succeed in breaking my delusions that governing a country or choosing a prime-ministerial candidate required knowledge of basic high school level physics...

After all, poverty alleviation is all about putting poor people on rockets and sending them into outer space in order to help them attain greater "heights", something I hadn't quite imagined in this context!


As the title says, this post is no rocket science :P

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Aam Admi Party: The Justice League of Indian Politics

The Aam Admi Party is like the Justice League in the Indian political landscape; a loose collection of masked crusaders and caped vigilantes out to fight evil.


Obviously, when you are a part of such an iconic group, you automatically wish to stand out.



Now, the Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman are fairly safe with their awesome superpowers. They enjoy a constant, enviable fan-following. Even Green Lantern and Flash make do.






But life gets difficult for people like Aquaman and Green Arrow.



These lesser vigilantes, being the vast silent majority of the Justice League, find it hard to find suitable villains (in quantity and quality) on a daily basis, and fearing getting lost in the din, in their restlessness, they have to make do with random law enforcement officers or even non-entities like the broader scheme of things.


Afterall, what upcoming villain would want to go down in front of Aquaman in his maiden fight? Going down against Superman shall at least bring in some notoriety and recognition.

At times, they must resort to gimmicks to gain publicity. 


Moreover, being vigilantes, they see everything in Black and White; so basically, you are either a ''Guardian of the City'' like them, or you ought to have done something wrong somewhere, and you're gonna pay for it big time!

The best way to live in such a city is to move around in a cape yourself...

In the Indian scenario, that cape is the Aam Admi cap, the traditional Jhadu serving as the weapon of choice...


So, support AAP, be a Hero!


Note: All images have been procured from Google search results without taking proper permissions. Just for your information :D

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Why I don't play Candy Crush Saga...

After the second pic, read this article out loud or just inside your head in a deep, guttural tone with the ending theme of Dark Knight in the background...You won't regret it...


Many of my friends have been imploring upon me since long to venture out into the supposedly captivating world of Candy Crush, so captivating that it is that they made a saga out of it...



Though I am not disinclined toward candies, sweet as they are...


I am not sure if I can really get myself to let them stay on the board...


Before long, I shall be found gobbling them down at a furious pace, so to speak...





So, I must resist the temptation...


Not because I can't play it...


Or the fact that my hand-eye coordination is hopelessly poor...


But because I can take it...


I am the watchful guardian, a silent protector, of all the candies on the board...


And those outside...


I am the player the Online Gaming World deserves...


But not the one it needs right now...



And there is another thing...


Last time I checked...


I wasn't making any money from this blog...


But I did commit an online felony by publishing photos that I procured from Google images without proper permissions...


I am not telling you all this because I want to shirk responsibility...


That would be Un-Hero like...


If there even is an expression like that...


I am telling you this because...


I wanted to make this article longer than it originally was...


And..


Because, I am the Dark Knight among all the Bloggers out there who can't draw well..


And are forced to copy paste relevant (or irrelevant) images from Google without taking appropriate permissions...


Ta Ta...


Saturday, January 4, 2014

An open letter to Chief Minister Kejriwal

Dear Sir,

Let me start off by congratulating you on becoming the chief minister of Delhi.

I had recently become an admirer of your conviction towards transparency and ending corruption, even as I disagree with the populist measures that you promised and implemented swiftly after getting into office.

But regardless of policy or ideology, the past few days have really turned me away from your party. It seems from the constant media updates that for the past few days, all you and the entire Delhi government seems to be preoccupied with is towards finding you "appropriate quarters".

Now, you have made it very clear that you won't move into the Official Chief Minister's residence for ideological reasons, even though you damn well know that this part of real estate is going to lie vacant in any case. I mean, you would rather pay rent for another home than live in the place designated for you.

So, you and your followers end up finding apartments for you to live and work from (By the way, why do you need an apartment next door for your office? Isn't there a chief minister's office in Delhi? I live in Gujarat and there is a secretariat there. I may be wrong but something like that should be in the national capital as well).

Well, so I thought that's the end of the undesirable business. He's found himself a home. Now, let's crack down on the menace of corruption and influence rampant in the capital with a vengeance!

But no, you decide you won't live at this place as well because some of your followers feel it doesn't suit you to live in such a big bungalow.

Well, I beg to differ. We do not want you and your family to live uncomfortably. We want all of you to be safe, secure and comfortable, for you to serve efficiently. Judging from what we have seen of you, we are sure you won't misuse the facilities that are accorded to you. And frankly, if this goes on, you will end up living in a mud-hut for all we know!

Similarly, you and your ministers would rather while away precious time waiting for metros or in ordinary cars in traffic jams rather than engaging the different functions of the government.

You see, I ended up criticizing you and your government on issues that shouldn't even be there in the first place. I haven't even started yet on policy issues, your wasteful expenditure on subsidies, which are a far graver concern and I won't do that later in this letter as well, as clubbing those issues with your trivial concerns shall be a gross insult to these important issues.


So, my unsolicited advice to you is," Quit with the posturing already!" If this is why you ventured into public space, to look like a selfless hero, to SEEM to be doing the right things, then, I would rather not have you in the public space in the first place. DO the right things. The problem with the right things is that they are seldom desirable. We do not need you to be a selfless hero of the masses, but a righteous villain. Do you have it in you to be that person?


A lot of people have great expectations from you. I had too. I don't have them now. You right now seem just trying to make people happy without taking into account future consequences or the precedents you happen to set today as perhaps the first proper middle-class intellectual to get to govern a state.

Kindly prove me wrong.